new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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