I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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