i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
