i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
