dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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