i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
