I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
