i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
