Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
