I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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