This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
