Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
