first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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