Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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