You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
