dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
