WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They took my balls.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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