Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
