It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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