Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Floor bacon is actually really good
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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