I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
