just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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