wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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