now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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