I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
