the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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