i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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