your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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