new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
do nipples grow back?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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