so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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