if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
