We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
