that's an acceptable place to lick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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