There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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