i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
