u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
