i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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