No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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