I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
