Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize