your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
