Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
