maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
