i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
