I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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