An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
