yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my shit smells like andre
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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