roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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