Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
