she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
