I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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