Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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