Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
