I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
