if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
