I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
