you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
