they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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