we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
