on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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