that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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