Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
