If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
