Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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