What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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