Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
