you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
